Stop Asking Everyone If You’re “Okay”
Girlie, I know you’ve been obsessing over that text, that comment, that thing you think you said wrong at brunch with the besties, and now you’re on round 8 of “do they hate me, do they not?”Like you’ve reread it, reworded it in your head, imagined their reaction, imagined a different reaction, and somehow landed on “yeah I probably ruined everything”.
And it’s wild because part of you knows that’s not true, but your brain is like no, no we actually need to keep thinking about this just in case. BUT nobody else has to approve your vibe. You don’t need constant validation to exist in your own skin. You can feel unsure, awkward, anxious, and still totally be yourself. You can even laugh a little at the fact that your brain insists on running these full marathons at like 3:15 in the morning when you just wanted to sleep
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The validation loop is exhausting
It starts so small. Like itt-biity, teeny tiny. You might just casually want to check if you came across okay. Totally fair. But then the checking extends and turns into texting one friend, then another, then maybe wording it slightly different to see if you get a different answer. And even when they say “no you’re fine,” it only works for like five minutes before your brain is like okay but what if they’re just being nice.
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You’re allowed to be awkward
This one MIGHT annoy you a bit but hear me out. You are allowed to have moments where you’re a bit off, a bit weird, a bit not perfectly polished. Everyone else is too. I might be hard to believe if you play the comparison game in your head, but truthfully. Yes. We all have these moments. You don’t need to be “on” all the time.
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Try not checking
I know, I know. This one feels scary But next time you get the urge to send that “was I weird?” text, just sit on it for a minute/ You don’t have to never ask anyone anything ever again. Just delay it
Give yourself a second to feel what it’s like to not immediately reach for reassurance
It’s uncomfortable at first, like um hello?? we are not okay? but…. it does pass.
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Come back to you
Next time you catch yourself drafting like three different texts asking if you’re “fine,” just pause for a second and sit with it. Like actually notice what’s going on instead of immediately trying to fix it or get reassurance. You don’t need to solve it right away or land on the perfect answer. You can just be like okay yeah, I feel a bit weird about that and still back yourself a little. You don’t have to outsource every feeling. You get to exist, be a bit unsure, and still be on your own side.